Written July 29, 2008. Age 21. Nine years after eating disorder onset. Third year university, trying to come out of a relapse after I’d been doing a bit better for my first two years of university. Just got back from a weekend trip with friends and feeling motivated to continue working towards recovery and a fuller… Read More Feeling Stronger

Written April 1, 2010. Age 23. Eleven years after eating disorder onset. Still struggling in the midst of my most significant relapse and realizing that I might be ready for, and really do want, true lasting change and not simply to regain some of my weight back and then return to my rigid eating and… Read More True Change, Hopefully (Part 1)

Written April 21, 2010. Age 23. Eleven years after eating disorder onset, and 20 days after my last journal entry (True Change, Hopefully (Part 1)). A good example of the fear and struggle associated with making changes and challenging my eating disorder behaviour, despite how motivated to recover and tired of my eating disorder I… Read More True Change, Hopefully (Part 2)

Written June 27, 2011. Age 24. Twelve years after eating disorder onset. Recently returned from solo trip to India, beginning to meditate regularly, and determined to continue the self growth I began there.    Breakthrough. Scared and tentative to call it that but I think it is if I let it be. Have been feeling quite… Read More The Judge

Written May 25, 2014. Age 27. Fifteen years after eating disorder onset. Finishing internship year of my second university degree and struggling to accept my increased weight and my perfectionistic, people-pleasing tendencies.    It’s been a long time! Internship really sucked the inspirational energy out of me, and sometimes I felt in a really low, heavy,… Read More Self Love vs Self Perfection

Written November 15, 2014. Age 28. Sixteen years after eating disorder onset, four years since my solo trip to India. Just starting work after internship and struggling to understand and escape my critical, conditional relationship with myself. This analogy of an internal parent relationship was likely sparked by a book or podcast I’d heard, but I can’t… Read More Internal Parental Acceptance

Written April 11, 2016. Age 29. Seventeen years after eating disorder onset, five years since my solo trip to India. In a place of pretty solid recovery but unhappy and over-stressed at work and dreaming/planning for a new future. Intuitively wanting to quit work and travel, rejuvenate and find my passions, and see where my adult… Read More Looking Ahead