Written July 29, 2008. Age 21. Nine years after eating disorder onset. Third year university, trying to come out of a relapse after I’d been doing a bit better for my first two years of university. Just got back from a weekend trip with friends and feeling motivated to continue working towards recovery and a fuller life. 

I Feel:

• Whole
• In touch with myself
• Aware of change going on inside me
• Becoming a more aware, stronger person

I am Thankful for:

• The friends that care about me
• The friends I enjoy being around
• My trip to Victoria and the courage & willingness & longing for change and something more it took for me to go
• My mom
• My freedom that let me skip that meeting and take an afternoon off work without guilt

I feel so much stronger on the inside, now I just have to use/find the strength and courage to withhold it on the outside i.e. saying “no” to a guy at the expense of him not liking me/awkwardness or whatever.

Being your genuine self doesn’t mean you’ll always be a “good person”, but it will allow you to be aware of what you might want to change.

Being more self-aware and stronger may not get me a boyfriend, but it will allow me to be a lot happier on my own.